The whole week leading up to my departure I was anxious yet excited, as anyone would be. But it wasn't until Sunday afternoon, about an hour before I was really leaving, that it hit me. That I broke down and began to cry. I didn't know why. I was just sad. My mom and I tried to hold back tears as we said our goodbyes. I visited Stephy before I left as well. She cried too, but this in turn, did not affect me as much as I thought it would.
I left lying to myself that I would be fine.
About an hour and fifteen minutes into my trip, I started crying again. I know you're not supposed to cry when driving but, I couldn't hold back my emotions. I got to my lonely room and unpacked and wept yet again. I called my mother every so often and tried to hold back my tears when i heard her voice. I cried that night.
Well, school. I came two hours earlier yesterday to look around campus and walk and find my classes. I got pretty lost and eventually ended up in the library writing my blog update in my notebook. Later on I went to wait outside the WRONG classrooom. But i wasn't late, because when i realized something was wrong i asked the physical science department where i was supposed to be and it was in the lecture hall thing. So i went there, and out of the 130+ students, I ended up sitting next to a girl who used to live where I'm from! The odds! The other person next to me was also very friendly but ended up letting someone else sit there as he was trying to crash the course.
So i bid adieu to my new friend until wednesday and made my way to calculus. Oh lord how intimidating it is. Same as AP calc, but i feel like the expectations are higher, especially with the majority of the class being geniuses[&asian{not that there's anything wrong with that}]. I talked to one guy but he ended up leaving too because he was crashing the course, so really I didn't talk to anyone.
I went home and "lied" to myself again, saying I'd be okay and I was happy for a while. Later on, I bought some milk, put my bike upstairs, and watched t.v. It was an uneventful afternoon spent alone being sad again. I didn't even use my computer, but I talked to old friends on the phone who cheered me up.
So today, I went on my bike down to the beach riding alongside it. then a few hours ago came to the library and checked my mail and what not. I still need my calculus book to get here.
And to buy my chemistry book. And the english professor wants us to print out the syllabus and i don't know how to use the printers here.
So blah. At 12. 45 minutes I have tennis and at 6 english.
so i will definitely update this later.
one final thought.
do i regret this?
No. It's just a hard experience in my life that I have to get through. Being Alone.* It's harder than it looks.
*[i dont live in a dorm or in a dorm-type setting, so it's hard for me to get to know people
No comments:
Post a Comment